The Mighty Kicks Blog

Self-Control for Kids

DISCIPLINE – the Foundational Virtue

In this blog post I want to highlight the virtue of discipline and how it relates to children. When I speak about discipline, I am referring to the character trait (self-control) and not the action that a parent may do to a child (chastisement); although both are important.

In the late 1960’s, Walter Mischel (psychologist) conducted an experiment at Stanford University where children were given a marshmallow and told they could eat the marshmallow or wait until the researcher returned and receive another marshmallow. The experiment tested students’ ability to defer gratification, an important element of self-control. Follow-up studies showed that children who were able to delay gratification longer received higher scores on the SAT assessment and other aptitude tests. In short, discipline doesn’t make you smart; however, it takes discipline to help you learn.

Just as students need to leave preschool with cognitive skills (numbers, letters, colors, etc.), kindergarten-bound students must learn self-control, deferred gratification, and positive responses to failure in order to do well in school. The Head Start Program (established in 1965) for early childhood development is a federally supported initiative to help children prepare to enter kindergarten. With their vast experience with the education of preschoolers, the Head Start website states, “Promoting young children’s social-emotional development is a major responsibility of any early childhood program. Because so many Head Start children experience emotional and social risk factors, the Head Start program has the added responsibility of taking steps to help children develop skills that contribute to resiliency …”.

In my earlier blog “How Children Succeed” I spoke about the importance of character and other virtues that impact a child’s future. The virtue of Discipline is certainly one of those crucial character traits and I believe it to be the foundational virtue since many virtues can be built from it. For example, if someone has a strong foundation of great discipline, they are more likely to be honest (fighting off the urge of instant gratification – avoiding a hard truth) than some who has poor discipline. Someone with strong discipline will show strength in character traits such as perseverance, grit, courage and patience.

We can help children develop discipline and self-control by encouraging them to have goals and to work towards them. We often look at discipline as saying “no” to something. It will be helpful for a child (and us all) to understand discipline as saying “yes” to something greater (The Greater YES Technique). For example, if the child has a priority or goal of passing his spelling test, he is not just saying “no” to TV, but “yes” to getting a good grade by studying. This positive association, perspective, and goal setting is a very powerful tool to help motivate and educate. Other strategies that help develop discipline for children (and us all) include: scheduling (planning/time-management), making priorities and goal setting, and accountability (a reward system). These strategies can make discipline a habit and a good habit is what virtue is. Note: character traits are not innate (we are not born with them), they must be developed (see “How Children Succeed”).

I must practice great discipline since I have a goal to be fit, strong and healthy in order to perform physically at maximum levels. Since I have to eat healthy I have executed the habit of buying healthy food so I am not tempted by unhealthy foods. This “out of sight, out of mind” technique makes this habit easier to practice. Throughout my professional soccer career I have had to instill great disciplines into my daily routine in order to keep my job. The best way for me to maintain good discipline amidst challenge is through the “Greater Yes” technique. I am sure to set goals and make them a priority. This motivates me as well as the decisions that I make (motivation is awesome fuel for discipline). Pretty much every top level competitor I have encountered are great examples of certain disciplines which has played a major role in their success in their sport. Learning, practicing and executing this foundational virtue at a young age will help instill the habits to form the character traits it takes to be happy, healthy and fulfilling.

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