My son was playing U8 Recreational Soccer and they lost 3-2 at the last minute for their last game of the season. I could tell that his coach was disappointed and I was afraid that my son was upset too. I asked him about the game and he said, “we lost, they were good, we could have won, but joey missed that shot, I should have done better, I was afraid of their big player, that ref messed up 2 times, the coach was upset …”. From his response, I could tell he wasn’t too upset so I asked if he had fun. Augustine replied, “yea, that was fun, I almost scored, our second goal was so cool, did you see me fall down?” and we continued to talk light-heartedly about the game.
As a soccer coach for 20+ years, I’ve had plenty of opportunities to coach lots of kiddos of lots of ages and abilities. Even with loads of coaching experience, there has been so much I have learned from a parent’s and child’s perspective now that I have been coaching my own children. When coaching your own child, it is certainly different than coaching other children.
Here are 3 things that I am learning
- Adults are often more concerned with the results than the kiddos. Kids help us have a better perspective on sports and they can show us that it is more about having fun, getting better and comradery than it is about winning.
- Parents are biased towards their kids but also understand them better than us coaches. As a coach, I would feel bad having to discipline a child or talk to the parents about issues with their child’s behavior (respect, listening, goofing off, lack of discipline, etc.). While the parent may think their child is the second coming of Lionel Messi, they are fully aware of their behavioral tendencies. Coaches, don’t feel bad about talking to parents about these concerns; they will understand where you are coming from.
- Their dreams may be different than your dreams for them. I always thought my children would have the same ambitions as me regarding athletic accomplishments. As a parent, I am learning that they may eventually have these dreams, but it can’t be forced or rushed. My priority is on supporting, learning (soccer and life skills) and fun for them!
Parents truly want what is best for their child with no ulterior motive. Coaches can have a different perspective since they want to get the best out of their players and win (which isn’t necessarily bad). Of course, these priorities change as our children get older and competition intensifies. Coaching my children and watching them play soccer has helped me develop a more complete perspective.
I hope this perspective can stay (the focus on their overall wellness and development as people; learning, improving, having fun) as they progress up the ranks. Let’s continue to support and encourage our kiddos no matter the level or result. I’ve heard it said, and its been my experience, that the best comment to make after their game is, “I loved watching you play.” Be there; be supportive; be a parent first (even if you are also a fan or coach) and enjoy the journey with your child!