Teaching Kids Integrity
My 2 year-old daughter climbed up on the bathroom counter and was playing in the Medicine Cabinet the other day. When my 4 year-old son saw this, he came down stairs right away to tell us. “Mom,” He said, “Gemma is doing something wrong upstairs.” We figured so much since she was being uncharacteristically quiet up there. The point is that my son knew that what she was doing was wrong because we have told her not to before (disobedience to parents is wrong). When we got up there, Gemma had a guilty look on her face and said “sorry mama” right away. She also knew what she was doing was wrong. This was not a major incident but I use this story to illustrate how children do understand right and wrong. We are born with a conscience that gives us a natural understanding that some things are right and others wrong. Our Conscience must be formed and developed and the parents play a major role in doing this – right from the start.
Do not wait to teach integrity – begin teaching it right away. Just as you teach your child to say “please” and “thank you,” be attentive to your child’s values and behavior. Be relentless in teaching your child the importance of honor, trust and honesty. Although we live in a time where everything seems to be subjective and there is no absolute moral truth or right/wrong, it is important for us parents to see past the hypocrisy of relativism and teach our children clear morals and values. DO NOT BE VALUE-NEUTRAL! Without clear values – that you not only teach but also practice – a child can be very confused. Below I will be sharing some suggestions on how parents can teach their children integrity:
- Share and Discuss Your Values – It is important that your children have a good understanding on your values and why you have them. Your values must conform to how you try to live your life – you cannot be hypocritical or you will lose credibility (even your young children will pick up on this).
- Role Play – ask your children what they would do I certain situations. Help them to understand what would be best and why. Example: If your friends are all using bad words and they make fun of you for not cursing, what would you do and why?
- Reinforce the Value of Integrity – Find teachable moments from books, TV shows, movies and your children’s stories to highlight honesty and integrity. Reveal the presence or absence of integrity as well. As your child to point out good decisions, bad decisions, what they would have done and why.
- Discipline Consistently – Be consistent on punishment when your child is dishonest. Be sure your child knows the consequences of their actions. Make sure the discipline is serious enough to strongly discourage any dishonesty. Be sure that your child understands that you take honesty and integrity very seriously.
- Lead by Example and Pray for Your Kids.
Many of these suggestions come down to communication and dialog with your children. As they get older, discuss the importance of building trust, credibility and reputation. Discuss how dishonesty can have grave negative consequences such as damaging relationships, losing a job and destroying your reputation. Although many of their peers may cheat (about 60% of kids have cheated in school in the last year) or steal (about 30% of kids stole from a store within the last year), let them know that you expect them to have the strength of character to do what is right, no matter what everyone else is doing. At the end of the day, your character holds far greater value than the test score or what you can get away with.
I want to close with encouraging parents to use your faith to help guide your values. Without a clear moral authority (God), parents will be tempted to base morality on what is their personal experience or what is most conducive to their lifestyle/conveniences. This is where our culture can be very confusing when trying to give moral (right/wrong) advice. We ought to understand morality through the author of life, God. I understand God by what he has revealed to me through his Son Jesus Christ. I come to understand Christ’s teachings and moral authority through the Church He established. I use this moral authority to guide how I live my life and I do my very best to share these guidelines with my children. It has made all the difference for me and I encourage you to do the same. Many blessings and good luck!
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